Flash Fiction: Guardian Demon of Hell’s Toilets

Kevin approached Todd, the night shift supervisor. He looked less enthused than usual. “Todd, we lost another one.”

“What do you mean?”

“Darlene never came back from break.”

“Sonofa! Are you serious?!”

Dead serious.”

Todd hated that kind of talk. But he was the man. It was up to him to find Darlene, get the production out, and save the day.

No one wanted to work for the MalTech. The Company offered low pay; bad working conditions; and ridiculous hours. It was not unusual for someone to come up missing after they went to break.

Todd asked, “Did anyone actually see her leave?”

“Nope.”

“What about security?”

“I dunno, I’ll go wake him up and ask him.”

Todd sighed, “Then how do we know she actually left?! She could be laying dead in the break room! Anyone check the break room?!”

“You should know, you spend half of the night in there.”

“That’s bull, and you know it!”

“Yea, Okay.”

Todd deduced, “Then, there is only one possibility.”

“What, Batman. . .I mean, Todd?”

“Darlene is still in the restroom.”

“Holy crapper, Todd.”

“You gotta go in there and get her out.”

“Negative.”

“I guess you didn’t hear me, huh?”

“I’m not walking in there and seeing some totally not-sexy woman in there with her pants down, and then have her turn me in for sexual harassment.”

“You have my permission. Do it.”

“Wow, you are so, not right.” Kevin turned and walked away.

“Hey!” Todd said, “I’m talking here! Insubordination! Fine! I’ll do it myself!” Todd went to the women’s restroom. He cracked the door open. “Hel. . .loooo. . .Is. . . any. . .one . . .in. . .here?” His heart raced. He braced himself for an Estrogen induced fit of rage. What kind of vicious attack could he expect from some banshee from hell? Some harpy from Hades? Some hag from. . .some place?

No one answered. Todd took two steps in. It was a weird, surrealistic place of no urinals. There was a bizarre rectangular stainless steel box on the wall. Put money in?. . .for what?! He slowly bent over and looked under the stalls. No feet. No sign of Darlene. But wait. . .What if Darlene fell into the toilet? Worse yet, what if she got sucked into the toilet, into another dimension?! If so, which one? Perhaps each toilet went to a different dimension!

Todd grabbed the broom. His knuckles were turning white from the grip of terror. He figured as long as he held onto the broom across his chest, he could not be sucked into the toilet. He slowly pushed the door open into each stall to look for signs of the missing Darlene, or any swirly dimension doors, or wormholes. If only he knew more about plumbing. It was time to call for backup.

Todd wore a radio. Several of the other key members of the night shift had radios. The radio was a symbol of power and status, and Todd knew how to use it. Not only the radio, but Todd wore the huge key ring, with two keys. These were iconic symbols of a “made man” with the Company. He called on the radio, “How ’bout ya Jimmy Jones?”

“What,” Jimmy said over the radio.

“Can you come into the women’s restroom.”

Unfortunately, Jimmy thought that the call was some sort of prank. Unaware of the urgency of the missing worker, instead of helping, he mistakenly decided to “play along”. Jimmy said, “I’ll be right there,” without the least intention of going to the women’s restroom.

Suddenly, the lights went out.

“NO!” Todd screamed. He raced to the exit! The he slammed into the door would not budge. Then he tried to pull it open and an inexplicable force kept it from opening! It was like some sort of demonic force!

Then he heard the voice of Satan. “Darlene! Welcome to HELL! Bwahahaha! Todd, come hither.” It was coming over the radio. He threw the radio. He heard pieces break off of the radio, but the possessed device was still laughing! Now the omnipresent laughing was also outside of the door!

“NOOOOO! HELP! HELP! WHY?!” Todd couldn’t use the constantly busy radio, he was being “walked over” by Satan.

Then Todd heard a voice outside.

A powerful woman’s voice, saying “You stupid idiots! Shut the hell up! I gotta go take a Todd!” She walked in with a cigarette and her lighter flashing, she couldn’t wait long enough to turn the light on, before filling her lungs with the illicit cigarette smoke.

Seeing her mortal human silhouette in the doorway, Todd rushed up moaning and hugging his savior. She screamed bloody murder. Todd was desperately groping all over her, clutching her extremely tight clothes with all of his might as she flailed her arms randomly. He fought and screaming while she was screaming. Todd thought that shurely she was losing her mind and desperately needed his help. She pushed Todd back into the wall of one of the stalls and gave him a roundhouse punch to the face. Todd bounced back and then fell down, unconscious.

Later that night, Todd woke up in the first aid room. Security was there. He put down on the accident report how he had battled the minions of Satan and barely survived. The power of Satan was strong, because the guard laughed at his misfortune and called him a “dumbass liar of epic proportion”.

Mysteriously, no one else had seen a thing, so his account had to be true. Every word.

THE END.

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s